Tuesday, May 19, 2009

C-Section or Vaginal?

This has been on my mind lately.

I have had 2 C-sections. I have never delivered vaginally. During my labor with Lucy, we all discovered, too late, that she was breech and I was rushed in for an emergency C-section. It was a horrible experience, but I'll leave that story for another day. The thing that bothered me most is that I was literally the last person to hold her. I never got that first, private, mommy-baby moment. With Evey, I opted for a C-section because her delivery was almost exactly a year after my previous C-section and I felt that the risks were too great. That C-section was overall a good experience but it still lacked that closeness that I long for directly after delivery. I got to see her all of 30 seconds before they took her away with dad, sewed me back up and wheeled me to a recovery room for over an hour.

Now, nearly 3 years after having Evey, I feel very torn on the subject. Having never delivered vaginally, I feel as if I have really missed out on something. I know that it is irrational, but a part of me feels as if I have failed in some way. I crave that moment where they place the baby on your chest right after delivery, and it breaks my heart to know that I may never get to experience that. The risks are lower than they were with Evey, but I know that if I opt to deliver vaginally, there are risks nonetheless. My OB said that a vaginal birth after 2 C-sections is not an option. But I know other OB's will let me try with close monitoring. A huge part of me wants to do it. From what I have read, there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to deliver vaginally. All the odds are in my favor considering my previous C-sections were not due to any serious conditions on mine or the baby's part. Even if it turns out that I have to go in for a C-section anyway, at least I will have tried, right?

I wish I knew exactly what the outcome would be. It has been on my mind for awhile. I want this baby to be happy and healthy. I want to experience at least once that precious moment.
I know that it's selfish. Chances are that I'll opt for a C-section again despite these feelings. But I would love to get your opinions on the subject. ( I imagine that they will all be very different depending on how you delivered)
It's a very difficult decision for me. One that I am taking into prayerful consideration.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dumpster Diving... not for the faint of heart

This is how I spent my evening yesterday!
Why? you may ask...

THIS is why!

My Wedding Ring...
I was leaving the apartment at about 9 last night to throw out the trash and then go to our old apartment to do some last minute cleaning. As I was throwing the trash into the dumpster, one of the bags caught on to my wedding ring and before I knew it, my ring and the trash were flying into the dumpster. To my despair, I heard a thump and then ching as my ring landed somewhere inside. My immediate reaction was "What the heck?!!!! Aren't my fingers supposed to get bigger when I'm pregnant?" And then the choice lay before me. Do I climb in 3 months pregnant with a super sensitive nose or walk away? Well any of you who know me, know that walking away is NOT an option! I went inside to get a flashlight and tell Eric, who offered to do it for me, but I told him no. I lost it, I would find it. Besides dumpster diving is really more up my alley than his. I'm pretty sure he would have hopped right in but later he would decide to sweetly surprise me with an upgrade sometime in the next week or so. But the reality is, I didn't want an upgrade. There is something so sentimental about the lovely, simple wedding ring he gave me. He said, "It isn't much, but it's what I have to give. I love you Katie, and want to be with you forever!" That is why I couldn't let go of the ring. It's not about the money, it's not about an upgrade. It's those words connected with that ring. I needed to find it!
I spent a good half an hour in that dumpster. Throwing bags I've already looked at in the other dumpster. It was pretty disgusting. Potent, slimey, indescribable things kept pouring out of bags and I couldn't help thinking how disgusting human beings are (as if I'm not one of them). Eric's mom came over to stayed with the sleeping girls, so Eric could come help. We Looked around for what seemed like forever and just when almost all hope was gone, I lifted one last bag at the very bottom corner and there it was. I didn't even see it at first. It wasn't shiny because it was covered in some kind of gunk. But there it was....
My ring!
I picked it up, wiped it off on my shirt and shouted,

(and then made Eric run in and get the camera)