As some of you may know, we had quite a scare last Monday (the 12th). Everything seemed to be going fine with the pregnancy, so you can imagine my horror when I began bleeding, not spotting...Bleeding! I have had miscarriages in the past, so I was positive that this was exactly that. My brother was visiting at the time, and I didn't want to upset him so I did my best to stay in control, not to cry, or even think at all. I discretely picked up the phone, walked out on the balcony and called my doctor. He said that I would need to go to the ER. I knew form experience that this is what he would say, but at the moment it was the last place I wanted to go. When Eric came home, he of course could tell that I was upset, no matter how much I tried to hide it. So I pulled him aside and told him. I could tell that he was shocked and then very sad. But since I had been holding it in for a few hours, I told him that I needed some time to myself to get in a good cry, before I make the necessary calls, to my doctor again and then to my mom. I sat in the closet for a good 10 minutes and just let it all out. Everything, my whole world just seemed to crash down on me all at once. Not only was I dealing with the loss of a baby that I was very much looking forward to having....again....and the fact that I had practically just announced my pregnancy to the whole world a week before, but it also meant that all our plans for a baby at all, would go out the window. We would have to turn down the 3 bedroom apartment that was about to get approved. Plus, the bill from the ER trip would take away any chance of buying a decent van. I started to question whether this was what the Lord really wanted. Was I mistaken? I had felt so sure that He had told me that was time for another one. Why then, would he do this? While I cried, Eric explained to Tim what was going on, and about an hour later my parents arrived. My dad took Tim home, while my mom stayed to watch the girls as Eric and I went to the ER.
When we finally got in the car, Eric and I were able to talk freely and mourn together. By the time we got to the hospital, we were ready to hear the bad news and take on all the came with it. As we sat in the waiting room, we did our best to keep ourselves occupied. I brought a cooking magazine, and Eric watched "Oceans 12," which was playing on the TV. I couldn't help but notice all the people who were less fortunate than me. Many of the people looked like they should be seen well before me. They were injured or looked very ill. There was baby who looked like she had a very high fever, and though I was still very sad, I found myself suddenly grateful that I wasn't there for anything more urgent. Chances were that I would be fine and this would all pass naturally.
Finally, my name was called and a nurse took my blood pressure, all the while, talking about how she's pregnant with her first baby and how scary it is for her to see women like me who are bleeding. I could see that she was just trying to make conversation, but talking about her baby wasn't exactly the best thing for me to hear at the moment, while I was in the process of losing my own. But I cut her a break and listened, because I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me. I figured that I'd leave it up to some other lady to let her know what would be considered appropriate talk with a women having a miscarriage. I've put enough nurses in their place for the time being. Then they took my blood, put me in a wheelchair and rolled me down to the ultrasound room. To my dismay, they wouldn't let poor Eric into the room with me. Instead he had to wait for me in yet another waiting room wondering what was going on.
The ultrasound technician was a lot more pleasant. She asked me about my other kids, their names ages, etc. (A much easier thing for me to talk about) while she squirted goo on my tummy. She sat silent looking at the monitor, taking measurements and such. After a few minutes she turned the monitor and showed me the baby. Then started checking my uterus and ovaries. As she was doing so she said nonchalantly,
"Form the baby's measurements, it looks like you are 9 1/2 weeks along."
"You mean 'were'. " I corrected.
She then looked at me strait in the eyes and said " No Katie, I mean 'are'. Look again... There's the heartbeat!"
I Couldn't believe my eyes. Right there was my little baby... alive! It's little heartbeat as strong as anything. Then she pointed at it again and told me to watch closely. It then, began kicking and moving it's arms! Tears welled up in my eyes! It was like he/she was moving just for me, to prove that he/she is just fine!
" Why am I bleeding then?" I asked. She said that she couldn't be sure, but she thinks it's because my placenta is really close to the cervix. She said that as my pregnancy progresses that it will move up. She then, wiped me all up and told me that I'm fine and free. A nurse wheeled me to the waiting room and as I waited for Eric to get back (who was in a different waiting room) I wondered how on earth I was going to tell him such happy news. Nothing I could say, could possibly covey the joy I was feeling. When Eric arrived, he was obviously concerned. We sat in silence for a few moments as he put his arm around me and tears rolled down my face again. Then, I simply whispered into his ear, "It's alive!" He turned to look at me in disbelief. As I grinned at him, I could see his eyes welling up with tears, just like mine. (He does so much better than I do when keeping his emotions in check.) He asked "What about you?"
"I'm fine. Nothing wrong at all." Then we sat there quietly, crying (on my part), glancing at each other and grinning. We were called in by a doctor a short time later, where he confirmed that everything is fine and that there is only a 5% chance of miscarriage at this point. He then instructed me to "take it easy." He gave me list of things not to do and said it's like bed rest, except I don't have to stay in bed, and I can go out, just as long as I don't do anything that would be strenuous at all. He then laughed and congratulated us both and told us we could leave!
I called our medical office later that week and they said that the ER visit would be covered.
Soooo, everything is fine, everything is back on track, and aside from being really really bored, I am a very happy camper, and super thankful to the Lord. Baby #3 is still on her/his way!!!!
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Blessed, honored, traumatized pioneers
2 years ago
